An Unbiased Review of the WTC Mixed Doubles Trash Talk III Tournament, AKA “Where Friendships Go To Die... Temporarily” - August 22, 2026
by Glenn McMullen and Heather MacArthur
The Wolfville Tennis Club continues to accept no responsibility – legally, morally, spiritually, or karmically – for the contents of this note.
The third installment of the Trash Talk Mixed Doubles saga took place on Saturday, August 22, 2026, featuring a record-breaking 12 teams, a four‑group round‑robin, a full playoff bracket, and a level of trash talk that once again exceeded the recommended daily allowance.
Teams:
- Pam Hickman / John McManaman
- David Wilson / Morag Wilson
- Nick Croft / Tijana Krajovan
- Kelly Miller / Alan Miller
- Adam Cummings / Kim Hickman
- Paul Morgan / Nancy Price
- BJ Parnell / Lanying Zhao
- Heather MacArthur / Glenn McMullen
- Dhun Rao / Dimitri Agokeng
- Wil Van Gestel / Mei Hu
- Brighid Hart / Geoff Mercer
- David Edelstein / Gloria Simpson
FINAL RESULTS
🥇 1st Place - Champions
Heather MacArthur / Glenn McMullen
Prize: Matching Mutant Zucchinis - In keeping with WTC tradition, the champions received matching mutant zucchinis - impressive in size, high likelihood of being genetically modified and possibly radioactive.
🥈 2nd Place - Runner-Up
Nick Croft / Tijana Krajovan
Prize: Maria Sharapova Autographed Sneakers - These historic sneakers are confirmed (allegedly) to be the last pair worn by Maria Sharapova before her retirement in 2020.
🥉 3rd Place - Bronze Medal
Dhun Rao / Dimitri Agokeng (photo at top)
Prize: Glenn's Old Balls - a curated pair of tennis balls that have been carefully selected for their emotional damage, carrying the kind of trauma only mixed doubles can inflict.
CONSOLATION DRAW - "THE NOT QUITTERS CUP"
🏅 Winners:
BJ Parnell / Lanying Zhao
Prize: A handcrafted PEI potato art piece - rustic, lumpy, and guaranteed to last longer than most relationships formed during mixed doubles tournaments.
SPECIAL AWARDS
🥯 Golden Bagel Award (Sponsored by Carl's Independent Grocer)
Adam Cummings / Kim Hickman
Snatched from the freezer of last year's Golden Bagel winners (Kelly and Alan Miller), the frozen vacuum sealed bagel was given to the team on the receiving end of the most decisive shutout of the day. Better luck next year!
🎤 Best Trash Talker
Geoff Mercer
Continuing in the legacy of fellow Newfoundlander and 2025 champion Susan Cater, the coveted horse mouth prize was worn proudly by Geoff (see photo below) who delivered a masterclass in psychological warfare, starting a week in advance of the actual tournament.
🚗 Furthest Driven Award
Winners (Tie): Brighid Hart & Morag Wilson
This year's winners went the extra mile - literally! They traveled the furthest to compete, only to discover that unfortunately, mileage does not count toward the final score. Congratulations on winning a yo-yo from the depths of Gloria Simpson's basement and some of BJ's famous cinnamon buns!
NOTABLE MOMENTS OF 2026
- BJ once again ignored all reasonable advice, warnings, and possibly legal restrictions by shaking his delicious Cinna-bon-bons.
- Glenn & Heather continued their tradition of bribing the NS Open organizing committee to ensure Carol D'Entremont had more important matches to play on the day of the Trash Talk.
- Dimitri's smile as he crushed the ball at the net was described as "poetry in motion", a rare blend of elegance and outright ball abuse, proving that charm can be weaponized.
- Geoff's reflexes were described by opponents as "cat-like". When pushed for more details it was revealed that "cat-like" was in reference to an 18-year old blind cat near death.
THANKS TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATED - AND CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE WINNERS!
Trash Talk IV is already in the planning stages for 2027. Expect worse prizes, louder insults, and even more questionable officiating.